Eat the cookie, already.

It’s hard to be a woman.

For instance; special occasion. Casual attire. We could go for the dress, but it would need to be around knee length. And the shorter the dress gets, the shorter the heels need to get to avoid looking trashy. Or we could go for the skirt. A great print with a solid top and some killer heels would be perfect. But maybe too boring. But how casual does “casual” mean? Should we go for the dark wash jeans with that new black button down with some red stilleto’s and big accessories? Or do we make a statement and put on those black slacks, the new silk halter paired with metallic peep toes and a sleek hair do?

Nothing is easy. Even picking out an outfit for ONE event can prove to be the most difficult decision. Which brings me to the question: Why do women make life harder than it has to be? We aren’t doing ourselves any favors, ladies. Haven’t we all watched a man get ready for a special occassion? The biggest decision they have to make is; tie or no tie? Why can’t it be that easy for us? NEWS FLASH! It can.

With hundreds of new diets coming full force constantly, women are diving in head first to drop a few pounds and hopefully meet their “desired weight” or “ideal dress size”. And these cleanses, too! It’s amazing how people will exclaim that they are doing a cleanse to “get healthier” or “rid their bodies of the bad stuff”. Everyone knows that more often than not, that IS NOT the case. You do these ridiculous cleanses because you saw a story online about this lady who did it and “it worked for her” so you are going to drink nothing but lemonade mixes and water mixed with horrible spices for the next however many days until you reach your desired results.

All of these things sound like time consuming, tiresome, expensive ways to do what? Make yourself happy? Make others like what they see? Keep up a certain image or status quo? It’s all ridiculous. What a terrible way to spend your life; so entirely consumed with what you look like. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for working out and staying physically fit for the good of your health and well-being and hey, even with dropping some of the unwanted pounds you gained over the Christmas holiday. But at some point, the torture for women really has got to stop.

I just know that my God did not create me the way that I am, to watch me suffer and strive so hard to look a different way. To not eat what I thought might taste good because I didn’t want to gain a pound. To monitor my calorie intake so intently that I cannot focus on anything around me because I’m about to faint from having no energy. My God created me beautifully. He made me healthy and happy and beautiful. No, I don’t look like an airbrushed model from a magazine. Yes, I have my insecurities just like the next girl about certain parts of my body. Did I eat as many fruits and vegetables that I could last week, yes. Did I sit on the couch and eat 3 cookies and half a bag of chips while watching movies this week, yes. Did I proudly put my bikini on in front of all of my friends and emit confidence despite all of my physical flaws, yes I did.

The bottom line here is acceptance. God has already accepted you despite your flaws, emotionally, physically; and still thinks that you are beautiful. What are you still striving for? Eventually we need to accept ourselves the way we are because I guarantee you, even if you don’t hear it, there are MANY people that think that you are beautiful and gorgeous, inside and out.  If you work on the inside, the outside will fall into place. The heart is where it all starts. We SHOULD be striving incredibly hard for that inner beauty. We SHOULD be obsessing over that, because THAT is what people remember and what people want to be around. Make that the first priority.

Let’s start making life a little easier for us, ladies. Own the confidence. Know that you are beautiful, inside and out. Eat the cookie, and wear that bikini with a smile on your face.

Sick? Still? Suck.

It’s finally time again for our Annual River Trip!

I am excited, anxious and nervous all at the same time. Normally excitement would be the key emotion here but I’ve been battling a stomach bug for over a week now, and although there have been signs of getting better, I am in no way 100% healthy enough to go to the river.

As my family and close friends know, I DO NOT take medicine. When I’m sick, when I have a headache, whatever the problem, I don’t take medication. Over the past week I have been on some meds here and there trying to fight this sickness that wants to ruin my vacation. In addition, I am going to the store today to stock up on whatever looks like it may help this killer of a bug.

To say the least, I am going the extra mile to go on this trip. I WILL be there. Year 3 will not disappoint.

Another source of feel-good medicine. I’m rockin’ the Versa all week. The one and only cool thing about my boyfriend being out of town is that he lets me drive his brand new AUTOMATIC car til he gets back. If you have driven a stick your entire driving life, you will understand my excitement. I also had to take Dave and Lindsey to the airport on Saturday; thank God for the Versa then, their bags would NOT have fit in my car. Johnny, you have been such a blessing to me this week without even being here. Kick ass, baby!

So, here’s to a long week of banishing sickness from my body and packing for a trip that I may or may not be attending.

Mexico isn’t just for Spring Break.

This morning I talked for quite a while with one of my co-workers about the issues in Mexico right now. I didn’t realize how severe the problem has gotten with the Mexican Drug Cartels. Mexico is being completely over-run  with these drug cartels and there isn’t anything that citizens can do about it. The drug cartels want the rights over land and trails that lead into the U.S. so that they can traffic drugs and make loads of money for themselves. If you own land and they want it, you are obligated to either sell it to them (if they even offer you money) or be killed for not complying. You can’t get around giving the drug cartels what they want. Money is their main objective. If you are not on their side, you are slain. If you get in their way, slain. The numbers and numbers of bodies are drastically increasing and at this point, cannot be kept track of. Obviously the trails are being fought over to traffic the drugs, but what would the drug cartels need land for? To burn and bury bodies. My co-workers grandfather is renting his land to the drug cartels because they need it for this very purpose. If he denied them the right to pay for this land they will take it and kill not only him, but family as well. His family is in America though, so they have nothing to worry about, right? Wrong. I was informed that “they have tons of people here” for that purpose. They communicate with the drug cartels and locate families living in the U.S. and either kill them, or if they can discover a family here with money that is linked to a family member in Mexico that has not complied, they will take them for ransom.

Doesn’t Mexico have a President, a Government? Why aren’t they doing anything about it? Yes, President Felipe Calderon, and because there are no means of protection from these acts. The Mexican Government do not have aircrafts or excessive arms like we do in the U.S. Since these drug cartels have made such an act of using these trails into the U.S. to traffic drugs, why not traffic arms as well? They have, and they are. Anti-aircraft capable weapons, ammunition, 5 rifles, a grenade and part of a grenade launcher were all recovered yesterday in Mexico in association with the drug cartels. The government cannot stop these cartels with these kinds of weapons, for they do not house anything like that themselves. President Obama is set to meet with Mexican President Felipe Calderon this week to talk about the issue and see what needs to be done, mainly because these occurences are happening just miles away from the Mexico/Texas borders. The borders are so large that they cannot be contained yet something needs to happen. President Obama has promised that there will be more done to stop gun trafficing from the U.S. to Mexico and has pledged to dispatch 500 more federal agents to the border, along with X-ray machines and drug sniffing dogs.

There is clearly a problem. One that cannot be solved within its own country. The government is powerless to the actions and lives that are being taken. What do we do? What does America offer as a solution? Does America even offer a solution? Does America even attempt to help? At this point, being  just miles from the border, security must be locked down to ensure the complete safety of American citizens. Once that is taken care of though, what is next? Do we act to help Mexico? Do we let the country destroy itself right before our eyes or do we take action and help?

Dear World,

It’s always a nice thing to have close friends/family that can be honest with you. I’ve been lucky enough to have my attention drawn to the fact that I let the actions of other people effect my everyday life.

I suppose I could laugh off the pathetic behavior of others or their constant attempts to keep themselves in the present; when their place clearly belongs in the past. But my natural reaction wants to be confrontational. Sometimes I just want to ask people, “Why?” But I’ve been told that recquires too much energy and that doing so would result in making that person a part of my present.

So what do you do?

Do you sit back and just watch people try and creep into a place that they are not welcome? Do you laugh it off and continue to be thankful that you aren’t that way? Do you let it go on for X amount of time and finally say look, this has to stop now?

I guess I just expect too much from people and when they fall below  the expectations that I have invisioned them meeting, I get really irritated.

Now when I wind up feeling this way, I feel like I’m being ungrateful. I mean, I do have a kick ass family, amazing friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a terrific job, and a sweet kitty cat. What else matters? What else should cause a rift in MY life?

The answer:

Nothing.

I choose to let it go. I choose to ignore the things related to this that truly bother me, all so that I can have peace in my life and issues non-existant. We’ll see how it goes. For now.

My Life Would Suck Without You.

Ever want to just look someone in the face and say “My God, get over it already.”?

I know I do.

On a lighter note, over the past 4 months, I have been extraordinarily fortunate to have made some amazing new friends and to re-kindle some old friendships. I also met some crazies.

So, to the girl that pushed me everyday to get up and get going, the girl who proved that laughter really is the best medicine, the guy who let me be a part of his best way to pass the time, the guy who showed me that I am NOT a party girl, the couple that let me into their world and helped me tremendously before barely knowing my name, to the guy that used the line “i want you to sleep in my bed with your clothes on” to me…thank you for showing me why I do not date, the guy that proved that friendships really can come from the strangest places and the girl that went to lunch with me everyday and wanted to help me slit some tires, thank you.

To all of you, thank you. You have all helped me grow in different ways. You have all at one point made me laugh hysterically, reflectively, passionately, or just nervously…(not in the good way)

But regardless, I’m glad I have most of you still in my life. You lit it up when it was dark and you continue to do this today. I may not need you now in ways that I truly needed you before, but there is still a need. I need you all to make my life as bright as it should be. I am so proud to have you as my friends.

Thank you again to these people for really stepping up over the past few months. You are what brought back everything that I am. You helped restore me into the person that I am today.

Thank you.

Hey.

This one is for You.

Be careful this time.

I love you.

the conclusion.

So, says my heart, it is time to go.

I’ll be out of the blogging world for a while. A long while.

A word hit me the other day. One that describes me that I had never thought of before.

“Specific”

I’ve always been a very specific person. Everyone knows the details of my life down to the smallest thing of unimportance. I’m not vague. What can I say. I was not programmed that way.

But, I do believe it is time for a change.

This should have happened quite some time ago, but only now am I able to get around to it.

I will be out of touch. To say the least. I’m moving as well. Where to? Out of the city? Out of state? …. sorry, no more specifics.

I’ll be in touch with a few. You know who you are.

To everyone else, you’ll have to search a bit to find me. But if I’m needed, I’m sure you’ll find a way.

Right now, I’m cleaning up the tracks. Cleaning up my footprints. In hopes that they will be forgotten.

It’s time.

Make this life, your life, the best life you can make it. You only get one shot at it.

For now, it’s time to go.

Love to all.

hms.

$500 to Fix the Car? … Well, how much to Fix Me?

My car and I broke down at the same time. Strange.

I started reading up on what they said was wrong with my car. To become a little more familiar with how it works but mainly to try and prevent myself from sounding like an idiot while talking to the mechanic.

The clutch:

The clutch allows engine power to be applied gradually when a vehicle is starting out, interrupts power to the transmission to avoid gear clashing when shifting and prevents engine stalling when bringing the vehicle to a stop. Engaging the clutch (clutch pedal fully raised) allows power to transfer from the engine to the transmission and drive wheels. Disengaging the clutch (clutch pedal fully depressed) stops the power transfer and allows the engine to continue turning without force to the drive wheels.

*The entire paragraph about the clutch describes my car’s breakdown, while the bold areas describe my own.

More specifically, The Clutch Disk:

The Clutch Disk- the friction material assembly that provies easy engagement and firm torque transference.

Make a few tiny adjustments and my car and I both have the same problem right now.

Now if only I could go to the shop and they could fix me…that’d be nice.

For You.

Your voice, is a song, still sounding in my ears.

And that song, up close, I haven’t heard for years.

So I go and I stay, my heart’s running a little late, I stop myself from moving on,

And I sit, and I wait, for you to play your song;

I still sit, and I wait, but your music is gone.

Bury a piece. It belongs with him.

I remember how nervous I was, the first time I stepped foot on a stage, yet I knew it was where I wanted to be…needed to be.

You were there. Of all things, I played a prostitute who sexed you up. We rushed around backstage everytime the scene crept closer, messing my hair up, smudging my lipstick all over you. We would quickly take your shirt off and pull my skirt down a little, take off my tall boots, and finally look at each other and laugh. We waited for our cue…knowing that we we entered from stage right, the response from the audience would be exactly why we did this in the first place.

The gasps, the laughter that we heard…made it worthwhile. It was my very first appearance on stage, and you were there, right beside me, encouraging me along the way.

The years went by… every play, skit or musical, we were there…together. Prom went by, (your date was my hot exchange student best friend from Brazil) but we were still there…together. I remember when I would sit in the mini living room in the back of your aunt and uncle’s house…I mostly remember sitting there one night, listening to Outkast together…the Roses song…Carol and Aaron were there…you kept rewinding it, singing it in the most hilarious voice I’ve ever heard.

How I have managed to lose you and have your presence taken out of my life forever is an incomprehensible concept for me right now. Your gorgeous face, your beautiful smile, your contagious laugh and your all-famous derogotory comments will never escape my memory.

I think you’ve always had a piece of my heart. You were there when I needed you in my life. You watched me grow up. You were an inspiration to me on the stage and when needing guidance there, you were the only one I looked to because on that stage, everytime, you were utterly perfect. You were my big brother, my support and my encouragement through adversity.

“I miss you” doesn’t really express the way I feel at this point. A piece of my heart is empty. The peice that you held and will carry to the grave. I know that no one will be able to replace the role you had played in my life.

To my brother, the one I wished at one point so desperately was actually related because you fit the criteria so perfectly….that piece of my heart will be lost forever, but forever it will be with you. Thats where it belongs and thats where I’ll let it stay.

Derek Scott, I love you. I miss you. Terribly. I’ll see you soon.